Here are some testimonies as different P believers share about different things in their Christian lives:
Some of you have been praying about the deadlock between Oscar, one of our Bible teachers who was accused of immorality, and Juan C., who made the accusation that he was involved with his wife. Well, God is working and I want to bring you all up to date. It was a week ago that I met with Marilena, Juan Castillo’s wife, and Juan. There have been certain difficulties in this relationship as Juan has tended to be mean and impatient toward his wife. As I was counseling him about “seeing his wife with value” and loving her with the very love that comes from the “True Spirit” and so on, Marilena suddenly started to talk. Here is an approximation of what she said: “I don’t live before but rather before the true God. There is no hiding and He sees me continually. I’m not going to hide any more like Adam tried to hide. I’m going to tell you like it is. I’m sitting here realizing that you aren’t counseling us with your own words but with the “straight words” of the true God. And you aren’t scolding us and speaking with anger but you are loving us and speaking with light, tasty words. So I’m going to tell you straight with no more hiding. Look, I’m a bad lady. I live badly. I don’t see my husband with value. I live being nuts about other men. I see one and think, ‘Ah yes, he is a pretty man, I could be with him’ and that is what I think. With no more hiding I’m telling you straight. And yes, it is as my husband said. I went out that morning early before the sun rose. There I met a man in the cooking house. It was Oscar. I’m not going to live in hiding any more but rather peak the truth. It is not you that ‘measures’ (judges) me but rather the true God. I live before Him. I live continually in his gaze. And so I tell you these words.”
Some of youare praying for the situation with Oscar, one of our Bible teachers in training here, who was found out. Well, he had tried hard to hide his sin for about three weeks . He had vehemently declared his righteousness to many of the brothers here but God in His faithfulness to him brought his sin out in the open. The gal he had been with spilled the beans. And so Oscar found out that the truth was out when he returned from his long trip to see a sister. He came by the house here the day after he arrived and said something like this: Yes, I got up that morning early when it was barely light in the sky and I went to the pump to wash up. On my way back to my house Marilena was waiting for me. She grabbed me and well, you know how we men are. Quickly I fell into the trap of sin. After it was all over, I wanted to tell about me sin….but I was afraid that my wife would really hate me if she found out and so I decided to try to hide it all. But life now has been so very unpleasant. Since I have sinned and been hiding my sin, my heart is very untasty. I have no thinking without a liver (joy). I have no thinking with a refreshed liver (peace). It is as if I’m living in darkness. I am like an unbeliever. I don’t even talk to the true God who is now my Father. I don’t long to gather together with the believers. I feel sin’s effect. It is like I’ve been bit by a viper and now after the bite, the venom passes thru my whole body and still has it’s evil effect. That is the way I live now. I know I’m in the place of full forgiveness and that I live in the sphere of the true God’s love but I still feel the effect of the “bite” of sin in my life.”
Oscar and dad dying:
It was sad to see Miguelito C. die last week. He was about 75 years old (no birth certificates around here) and had been against the teaching of God’s Word from the beginning. He made fun of it and mocked it saying that Jesus certainly wasn’t God at all but rather just pretended that he was. Even as his son (Oscar, the one you’ve already heard about) taught him the scriptures, he rejected it. Well just last week he suddenly had a stroke, it seemed, and we all gathered around as he breathed his last. His daughter Catalina said this just after he died: “My dad died and I’ll never see him again. He died without believing. He had no payment for his sin. I know I’ll never see him again. He, in spirit only, is probably there before the true God right now and he has no payment to made things right for the sin he has done against God. My dad measured up only to death and judgment and being cast out. It is because of this that I am so sad today. If my dad would have believed Jechu (Jesus), I know I would see him again in heaven.” About an hour later Miguelito was wrapped in his hammock in the fetal position and then lowered into a hole about 20 feet from the house. Later, as I stood with Diego, another son, beside the grave after Miguelito was buried, he just began to talk: “As I dug the hole to bury dad, I began to think a lot. I became very sad as I thought about him dying and being under the anger of the true God. He was just like someone heading out with a very large and heavy burden on his back. Yes, he had to carry his own burden of sin. He refused the payment of Jechu and so it is like he had to carry his own burden. But it won’t be like that when I die. No! When I die, I’ll leave totally light with no burden to carry. I have a payment for my sin. All mysin were heaped up on Jechu. He is the substitute sin bearer”.
It has been eight moons since I chose to disobey our true Father and not follow the trail of truth. Like one without ear holes I just turned my back on what I knew was straight and true. And I sensed it happening. I sensed my disgust toward my wife. I began to treat her badly and really scolded her often. I began to think about another woman, a forbidden one. Yes, as one slapping the true Spirit in the face, I just disobeyed. Knowing that I was doing wrong, I did wrong as if not having a heart (conscience). And I learned to live with two women. But after four moons passed, my wife took off with our two kids and went to her father’s place. I went after her but my father’s older brother angrily rebuked me saying I had no business coming after her now. And so I went home without her. My liver was hot (angry) and I was so miserable. I really thought of her often and I thought of my kids. I was increasingly sad and truly lonely. I had the other woman but it became truly untasty. The true Spirit worked, ever reminding me of what I knew was right. And I began to be afraid too. I knew that the true Father loved me beyond measure and I knew that as a son belonging to Him, He could do to me as if He was spanking me, in order that I live within His boundaries. I knew I was living dangerously and that my true Father was not one who fooled around. I got more and more miserable. My heart became truly untasty and unpleasant. I couldn’t sleep well. And the “caretakers of the sheep” came often and visited with me. Their words were soft and gentle and tasty, and yet not long and endless. They wanted to help me. They wanted to help me get back on the trail of truth. I stood against them though, and continued on as one “without any ear holes”. But then I couldn’t stand it any longer. I told Baraca, “Go home. You don’t belong here. You are not my woman. My heart is truly unpleasant in my disobedience. Go home. Forget about me. Don’t think about me any more.” Yes, I sent her home. And she went. Then I went right over to my father-in-law’s place. I saw him. I visited with him. “I have done you bad” I told him. “I have made your thinking sad. I want to fix things up. I don’t want to be as one who hides any longer. See me with compassion. May your anger towards me be alleviated. I want to fix things up with you and brotherize. I want to take my wife home and my children. Is this acceptable with you?” I asked him. And he said yes right away. And then I visited with me wife, and she chose right away to come home with me. I thought surpassingly without my liver (truly joyful).” Well, Rafael went on to make things right, even with the guy who had been sleeping with his wife. He confessed his anger to him for taking his wife, and wanted to be “brotherized”. And shortly thereafter, he shared his whole journey into sin with the whole church body there in Goadä dürü. And since that time, he has been visiting with others who have fallen into the same trap of grabbing another wife and seeking to help them. Yes, we praise the Lord for His faithfulness!! He is able!! He is at work building His church around the world….and the powers of hell will NOT prevail!
Some of what Justo shared went something like this: “We have been called by God to be His children. We have been called to be connected to Jechu (Jesus). And so as we have been called, let’s live. We have not been called to live under our own rule but under the rule of the true Spirit. Let’s live as we have been called. We have not been called to play around with sin but to turn our backs on it. Let’s live as we have been called. Our strength is nothing. We have been called to live with His strength.” And it was so good as this dear brother went on and on sharing from his heart about what it meant to live according to our calling in Christ. Good stuff!!
Just a couple of weeks ago, Rafaelito came by for a little chat. I asked him how he was doing and if he was enjoying “pleasant living under the true Spirit’s rule”. This was his answer: No, I am not living pleasant. I live saying “No” to the true Spirit. Life is not pleasant at all. I am living being disgusted. I am living with no refreshed liver (peace). I am living having a liver (not having any joy). I tell you, it just isn’t tasty at all to live like this. I have no strength for accomplishing good. I am living with anger in my heart. There are brothers that I have become angry with, but I don’t want to brotherize with them. I live thinking with my old heart, and I tell you, it truly has no desire at all to make things right with them. My wife asks me why I don’t teach any more at the gathering place, and why I’m not teaching the children. She is always trying to help me but I don’t listen to her. I’m telling you with no hiding. This is the way I’m living now.” It was a week ago when Donare, one of the spiritual leaders of the church here got together with Rafaelito and encouraged him. Right now, Rafaelito is doing so much better and moving in the right direction. He has a hunger for the Word of God once again and is spending more time with fellow believers. Please pray for him. He is a real leader, but has made some bad decisions and has suffered the consequences. Zapata:
Zapata just sent a note this way from way down river at Jëgë chjiaräpe. Here’s what he wrote: “Mario (that’s my name in P language), I’m writing you because I’m thinking about you. Therefore I send you words. You are probably still living. We are living here too, but dangerously. Look, Dande was just bit by a snake. And Deandero is sick. Dojerio is sick too, along with Eteva. I’m just writing in order that you talk to the true God on our behalf, that He take good care of us. We are in a very isolated area and can’t go easily for help. We are in the place of many snakes, much danger, including anacondas. We are truly afraid of these dangers. But it is because we are living on this land that we are afraid, on this land upon which the true God’s anger fell (cursed). When we arrive in Heaven though, well, there will be no fear at all. So I just ask that you would talk to our true Father on our behalf, that He watch over us, that He act on our behalf. That’s all I’m writing you. Your brother, Zapata.”
Matia: The true God knows all things. He died on the cross so long ago thinking about the many who would become his brothers and sisters. Yes, his blood was enough. And we have now heard about Him. But now it is time for those who taught us to go away. God is having them leave, not the great evil one. God is the one. But we aren’t left empty-handed and helpless. No, we have the Word of God and we have the true Spirit. We have much! Mario (Merrill) needs to go so he can finish writing God’s words for us. The true God brought them here and now the true God takes them away. Hernan: We won’t see the one who has always sat in our midst and who has always taught us. But look, the true Spirit, He will not leave us. He will be with us forever. Let’s let Mario go so that he can finish writing down God’s words for us (finish translating the Scriptures). Paul, the sent one, also left the people that he taught, and now it is time for them to leave us too. It isn’t really the bad people who are making him and his wife leave. No, it is really the true God! God wants them to move on now. No, there will be no more face to face visits with them. But look how things are different now because of the teacher who has lived among us. Because of him we are knowers of the Word. He has been like a father to us. It’s like he has led us out of darkness, out of danger, out of anger. And with this I find relief in my heart. I am now saved and so am greatly relieved. Now we won’t see him, but we will indeed see him when we get to heaven. He has helped us well. He has shown us God’s love. He has loved us with the very love of Christ. He hasn’t scolded us or lived angrily among us. But they have helped us spiritually. They were gentle and caring. They took good care of us. They truly helped us. But they are leaving and we need to trust God, the Sustainer. He is the true one who helps and gives life. We must live believing strongly in Him. So, I tell you, we shouldn’t be real sad. Yes, we are sad and they were sad too when Paul left, and when Jesus left, but because we are believers, well we shouldn’t be truly sad. But as I thought about them leaving I began to weep. I woke up in the middle of the night and wept hard. But the true Spirit quickly encouraged me. He strengthened me. He helped me think straight. Yes, we have the true Spirit to carry on the work that he started here. We know how to do it. He taught us. We will now carry on because he will be gone. Pedrotina: We have become believers. So lets believe strongly. Yes, lets believe strongly! We are still here on this land where we live. And it is okay that Mario and Teresa are leaving us. The true Spirit won’t leave us though. He lives here in our bodies. We are possessors of the true Spirit. He makes me think straight. But my, how quickly God moves and does things and changes everything around. It is the true Spirit that is the real one moving them out of here. They aren’t going because of us sending them away. They are leaving because God wants them to leave. And because he lived among us teaching, well, we have so much now. Its like we are so rich now. Look, he has taught us for so many rainy seasons and so many dry seasons. And while he has lived among us, he hasn’t bothered our women. He has lived and taught us well. Ramón Perez: We hear him who now counsels us and it will soon happen that he won’t counsel us any more. He is leaving. Not thinking about his banana patch and all his mango trees, he is leaving. I woke up in the middle of the night and was praying for him. He taught us well. And because of that we are alert now. We know the truth. And we will see them in heaven. But he is coming back some time to help us. Yes, Mario and Teresa are leaving but the true Spirit will never leave us. Yes, he who gave us the good news is leaving us now. We now know the one whose blood ran out for us, the one who gave us salvation, who gave us living-forever-life. Diego: We have come to the truth. It just doesn’t fit at all to go back to believing in Cuma (their former goddess) and the old spirit rocks and all that our forefathers taught. No, we know the truth. And Mario, being like our Father, he has counseled us and guided us and helped us in all sorts of things. But they will now leave us now but it is under the prompting of God. What was so exciting as we visited with several of the leaders was just their confidence that this was the will of God, that He was in control and that they had been equipped for the task, and that God now wanted them to be totally dependent on the true Spirit and not on the missionary any more, and carry out the task that He had given them to do. We were thrilled as we heard the different ones share their hearts. So please pray for the P churches as they are now on their own. Pray for continued growth for all the believers and especially for the leaders as they walk with God and shepherd His flock.
Pedro: Marriage is given by God. Satan seeks to destroy marriage. When we marry we are tied together by what God says. May we live with proper ear holes (Let’s obey!)
Diego: When I woke up this morning, I right away thought, “I have no strength. I have no strength to walk straight on God’s road. I have no strength to love my people. I am totally without bones (strength) on my own but I have God’s strength. I can live in the sphere of the strength of the Spirit. We can all live in the strength that the One Who lives inside of us gives.”
Antonio: Let’s not be like wet fire wood. When we go astray, we don’t live burning brightly. We just give off smoke. And so what do we need? We need the help of the other believers. Just like when you put a wet piece of firewood in the fire with brightly burning logs and it starts to burn, so in the same way, we who go astray are fixed up by the help of other believers.
Zapata: We are gathered here today to eat. Let’s eat ’til we’re full. Let’s live according to the nudge of the Spirit. Let’s eat much of that which is for our spirits, which really feeds our inner soul. We are eating tasty food! And who is God? Does he lie? Does he mix with evil? No, it is his tasty words that we eat. Let’s not be stingy with these words that we know. Just like Paul said, we are in debt to those who don’t know. We had visitors from way down river. These people don’t know the truth. They are living on the edge. It is as if they could fall right into hell. How will they hear? How did we hear? Did we hear thru a teacher or did we just come to know by ourselves? No, we heard thru a teacher. How will they learn without a teacher? Who did Jesus say should teach others? He told us, his children, to go tell others .
Juán: We are God’s children. We have our Father in Heaven. We have our older brother Jechu (Jesus). We have the True Spirit living in us. Mario (that’s what they call me) could leave us. God will never leave us. We live in the sphere of God. We live in the protection of God. We don’t live under the rule of Mario but rather under the rule of God. Let’s be as if we’re leaning against God and not Mario. Let’s be stronger and stronger in our faith.
Dijirio: We need to be like older ones who have teeth. We were egged again (born again) and became like little children in God’s family. We grew by eating as if we were nursing. And now, we need to be like ones with good teeth. We need to be able to eat the teaching that is like chunks of meat. We must grow strong!
Here are some approximate quotes from the believers in all this:
“We have made our Father so sad thru our disobedience and we’ve made Satan so happy.”
“Just like Adam tried to hide his sin, we have tried to hide. We were embarrassed and afraid. Instead of coming out in the open, it was as if we remained hidden in the woods.”
“The people long ago hated Jesus and beat him and whipped him and put sharp thorns on his head. By our disobedience to God, it is as if we hit Jesus with our fists and persecuted him like they did long ago.”
“When we first go off the path of truth, we must get right back on it or we will wander far, far away from truth.”
“We must bend our thinking in the other direction (repent)”
“We need to fix it up with the ranchers too and talk straight and true with them about what we have done to their pigs.”
“It’s just as if we’ve fallen in a deer trap and we are in a deep hole because of our sin.”
“We must help one another quickly when we sin and quickly bring them back to the path of truth. We should not help others hide their sin.”
‘We need to live in the truth like a man walking in the dark night with a flashlight. Like he follows the light, we must follow the truth.”
“Mario (my name down here), we have sinned against you too by deceiving you and not telling you the truth. See us with value! See us with compassion. (Their way of asking for forgiveness)”
Many, many things were tossed around and discussed. Many people have come and shared their sin openly and have changed their thinking. Ubencio, one of the main village chiefs from the up river people came by the house here and said. “I know that my sin is all paid for by the Payer. I know that no sin was left unpaid for when Jesus died. But, I know I have made my Father and Older Brother (Jesus) and True Spirit very sad thru my living without ear holes (in disobedience). I have acted like a child of darkness.” At this point he grabbed me and began to weep like a baby. I have never before seen an elder cry over their sin. He wept freely for a time and then continued on. “I want to quickly go back to my people and help them. They are way off the path of truth and really hurting our Father. Pray for me. Pray for me much.”
Rafaelito sent me a note a short while again saying that someone had tried to take advantage of his wife. Then, a couple of days later he came here all smiles and shared how they had fixed things up. “We fixed things up. We talked face to face. My brother didn’t try to hide his sin. He was thinking as if fire was burning in his heart (conscience was bothering him). The True Spirit was making him think straight. He just came on his own and told me. And when he told me, my liver wanted to burn with anger. The believers helped me. They said, ‘Have compassion on your brother. May your anger be alleviated.’ They helped me well. I saw my brother with compassion and my anger disappeared. He didn’t want to hide. He wanted to fix things up. We fixed things up by ourselves. You weren’t around. We fixed things up on our own quickly. This is probably the way the apostle Paul fixed things up too, don’t you think?” These are the things folks that thrill our hearts. To see people walking in the truth. To see people taking the truth of God’s Word and living it. To see them dealing with sin on their own. Thanks for praying! Continue to pray for the people, that they’ll be tender and sensitive to the Lord.
Yesterday at noon, I got the news that one of my good P friends was very sick. His stomach was all bloated up, he couldn’t swallow, and he had stopped eating for a couple of days. They had been living way out across the river to get their fill of palm fruit and had just returned to their village. He hadn’t been strong enough to walk home and so they had tied his hammock to a pole and carried him home that way. Taking some medicine I took off on the bike for his village. At the creek I met the bearers of the sad news. Pedro was dead! I was shocked! This was sad news indeed.
When I got there, everyone was sitting on the dirt beside the body just crying their eyes out. Pedro had just died about 20 minutes before I got there. They already had him wrapped up in his hammock and mosquito net. He was all prepared for burial. (they don’t have a coffin but just bury their people wrapped up) Some of the men right away chose a site beside the house to dig the hole. I joined them and after a couple of hours of work, we had the grave dug. Some old rags were placed on the floor of the hole and then the body was lowered gently down. Poles were then laid across the top of the hole. These were covered by pieces of tin and then the dirt was heaped up on top. No dirt was placed on the body itself. It was a sad time for all of us but an encouraging time as well. In the midst of the tears someone would say, “God wanted to take him and so he took him.” Someone else said, “It was God’s appointed day for him to die and so he died. He didn’t die because it was the plan of the great Evil One but rather because the Lord, Owner, Boss wanted him to go home.” Others shared how his spirit had now gone to the place of no pain and no death and no more sickness. Others talked about him having arrived at God’s place quickly and surely because of the full and complete payment for sin that he had because of the Lord Jesus. Others talked about the reunion that he might be having with the other P believers who had already died. Yes, the tears and wailing was indeed there but the people were not without hope. They mentioned how after a short period of time that they would all see him again and how the separation was just temporary. Others talked about him leaving behind the body of sickness and death that was from Adam and how when the Lord Jesus returned, he would receive a new body. Hey folks, my heart was stirred and challenged anew to labor on to see the P people come to that tremendous hope of eternal life and to be worshippers of the true God. What joy it was to see these people, even in the midst of death, hoping and clinging to the truths of God’s Word.
Pedro D., the one who died, was the main village chief who invited us into this area back in 1979 when we were looking for a place to settle among the monolingual P people. He told us where we should live and it turned out to be the perfect place for an airstrip and housing. Pedro worked with us to set up our homes and then became one of our main language “professors”. He enjoyed hearing us learn to speak like he did. Then, when we began to teach the Scriptures, he was one of the first ten believers. He had a keen mind and soon began to teach his people. He would share often out of the experiences of his life and then apply different Bible truths. He would also often compare the lies of the ancestors with the truths of the Scriptures and challenge his people never to go back again into the “darkness” and deception of “way-off-the track” thinking. Yes, Pedro will be missed. But you know, it has been incredibly encouraging for us to realize that he is there in the presence of the Father and the Son, and enjoying their fellowship! To think of P believers entering into the glory of their Heavenly family, well, that is most exhilarating! How great it will be to get there and join the grand party!!
This morning the men from Pedro’s village came over here for a visit. They shared how they wanted to remember the good advice that he gave them. They shared how he died believing strongly and very encouraged. They talked about taking his place and aggressively teaching others now like he had done. They talked about how their sadness was already starting to disappear a little as they realized that he was there in Heaven with his Father. They shared how they had really wanted the chief to live until Jesus came but God had taken him and that was all right because He was the Lord, Owner, Boss and could do what He wanted. They went on to share that they wouldn’t be chopping down all the fruit trees that the chief had planted and they wouldn’t be burning down his house either. Before the people heard the truths of the Bible, they would often destroy all the possessions of the deceased which included anything he had made. This was done in order to avoid more inner pain and sadness because you wouldn’t have to see these things and be reminded of the dead person. They said they believed that God wanted them to keep the trees and the house and his tools and so wouldn’t be destroying them. They knew that he was in a very good place and weren’t thinking that sadly about him. Yes folks, God’s word changes lives and really sets people free!!
Thanks for your prayers. Love and appreciate each of you so much. Thanks for standing with us as we continue to labor
to see more worshippers coming to God and glorifying His Name.
Just the other day in class, Diego was sharing about sin and a personal trial. It went something like this: “Sin is so evil. Sin is bad. It brings much sadness. I’m very sad this morning. Another man is after my wife. My wife is thinking a lot about him. She is not listening to me as I try to help her with the true God’s words. Sin brings great sadness. Let’s not sin. Let’s live straight. And what about this guy who has been after my wife. How should I think about him? I’ll tell you, I can’t love him with my own bones (strength) but by the strength that the true Spirit gives I can love him. We have counseled him. We have told him to see only his own wife with much desire and not a another woman who is forbidden to him. He listened to us. He is getting back on the trail of truth. But yes, I’m sad. Sin makes us live with great sadness. Intervene and ask the true God on my wife’s behalf.” The people are sharing more and more about different personal struggles. Please conti
Hernan : ‘We have become truly different. We don’t at all resemble what we were in the beginning. We were children of darkness then. We believed in the lies that the ancestors passed down. We believed in a god that was only a name. She couldn’t see us or help us or take care of us. The demons saw us with joy. They knew we were deceived, as if we were all bound up with ropes. We were like lost ones in a huge jungle with no light to guide us out. But now it isn’t like that. We know the Substitute-Sin-Bearer . We know the One Who died and let his blood run out to pay for all the evil we have done. We know the One that the true Father sent down from Heaven. Because of the exceeding great pain, he could have left and gotten off the cross. But no, He stayed. He remained there thinking about us. He remained to finish His work and pay for our sin. We believe in Him and are now children of light. We know the truth now. It’s like we have a light in our hands now to show us the way. It’s like we are now on a straight path. We know the true words. We know the true God. And we living believing strongly in Him.’
Paulina was the mother of three young ones and a believer in the Seed of Abraham. Here is an approximation of what she said shortly before she died: ‘God is my Lord and Master.. He can do with me what He wants. I know He does right. I know he doesn’t make mistakes. I know He loves me with immeasurable love. I know that the demons won’t get me. I know that He will watch over me well and that my spirit will arrive safely in Heaven to be with my Older Brother , Jesus. But I am sad about my three kids. Who will take care of them? I’m wondering about them.’ (Her brother adopted the kids after she died and is taking good care of them)
Shortly after his dad’s death, Ramón Delgado shared the following : When my dad first died, I was really sad and lonely. I was thinking with a soft liver (crying) a lot. But I’m already feeling better. I know where he went. I know he is living exceedingly fine in Heaven. I know that he has just gone down the trail ahead of us and we’ll soon be following after him. I know he died believing the truth and not just lies. I know that we all live with hope because God never makes you hope in vain. And so, I’m not sad anymore…but just a little. I know he is living much better there than he was when he lived here in pain. I know he is with our true Father.’
One of the early P believers here was Pedro Antonio . He was an enthusiastic new Christian and enjoyed sharing with others about the Lord. However, as time passed, he became depressed and down and stopped having contact completely with the other believers. He became more of a loner and stayed to himself. Believers still sought him out occasionally and shared with him to encourage him but all to no avail. Then we heard that he had gone back to the old ancestral singing and that he was allowing the “rock spirits” to give him special messages from the gods. Well what a thrill it was recently to have Pedro Antonio suddenly show up at our up river church and share with the church there. His talk went something like this:
“I was way off the trail of truth. It was as if I was way out in tall grass far away from the straight trail. It was as if I was lost. I was living angrily. My liver burned hot. But Christ was never angry with me though. The true God wasn’t angry with me either. And the true Spirit was working to help me. Right from the very beginning when I went off the trail of truth the true Spirit was working to help me. I tell you all today my people that I have sinned greatly. I am not trying to hide what I’ve done. I want help. I want you all to help me. I have spoken strongly against God’s words. I have spoken strongly against those who teach God’s words. My heart is truly wicked. I was thinking in darkness. I lived with much anger. My heart was truly unpleasant. Don’t follow my example. Gods word is true. The devil says, “No, it isn’t true” but God’s words are completely true. God’s word is not for fooling around. It is for obeying. Yes, Gods love for me never wavered. He never stopped loving me when I was sinning against him. Yes, I really want to bend my thinking in the other direction. I want to think differently. I am separated unto God. I want to live with a refreshed liver, with peace in my heart. I was so weak before. I was living with no truth. I was deceived to believe the same old lies again. Now I’m bending my thinking back in the other direction to believe straight. When Paul the apostle sinned he quickly got it right. This is the way I want to live. My old heart is bad. And Ichiae (Satan) works through our old hearts. Watch out! Don’t be deceived. Don’t follow my example. The two men who influenced me most to go back to the old ways, well, I want to visit with them and help them. They were always after me telling me lies. It was like they tied me up and dragged me off. They were always telling me that the teachers of God’s word were angry with me. There was much slander. Yes, I felt like I was buried in a hole, in a grave. I was in darkness. Now I feel so much better and my thinking has been relieved. I really hurt Jesus a lot with my sin. He was slapped around a lot when he died on the cross but it was like I really slapped him around again by sinning greatly against him. Now my thinking is better though and my heart is pleasant. This is what I want to tell you all.”